It’s the weekend…and a lovely long one at that! I for one am very thankful of an extra couple of days to unwind, relax and recharge the batteries.
So it’s getting towards the end of week 3 for me in the COVID-19 lockdown… and in a weird way, it’s all starting to feel “normal”.
A friend of mine referred to this week as “Reality” week and I think it’s a pretty accurate description. For me, all of the initial hype and stress has pretty much passed and I’m now moving into this calm but slightly uneasy place of acceptance.
For all of its faults – I think that we can all agree that this whole situation would probably be a lot more challenging if it weren’t for the wonderful thing that is the internet/social media.
COVID-19 is impacting everyone, literally everyone! I would be very surprised to hear of anyone out there who has not been impacted in some way (be physically or mentally) by this virus.
There is something reassuring in the fact that you aren’t going through this alone. With the joys of social media, you can stay connected with people that you otherwise would have been unable to keep in touch with if this had happened maybe 20 years ago.
It’s not the same as face-to-face, but it’s better than nothing at all!
I’ve been thinking…nothing unusual there!
Honestly, it has felt like it’s all I’ve been doing recently..and at times it has been a bit overwhelming. It’s really tested all of the tricks I have put in place in order to “sort my shit out mentally” and I’m pleased to say that for the most part it has helped.
Scrolling through social media – it’s a real mix at the moment. Some are being really open and honest and some are putting out the “I’m fine, everything is fine, all will be ok” vibe.
I’m aware that I’ve probably fallen into the latter category recently. It’s not that it’s not genuine, the aim is to spread positivity with you guys but also to give some to myself!
The “I’m fine” filter – what does that even mean?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary – the definition of fine is “good or good enough; healthy and well.”
Sounds about right, nothing wrong with that definition. But I think we all know that the word fine can have many different meanings depending on how you use it – I like to think of it as the cover-up stick we use for our emotions.
How many times have we sat there, pissed off at a person or situation and when someone says “Are you ok?” you come back with a loaded “I’m FINE”. You very clearly aren’t fine – but for whatever reason we decided to say that rather than share how we really feel.
It’s a perfectly good term to use in small doses…sometimes it’s good to give yourself some distance from a situation. The problem comes when you continually fall into the “I’m fine” habit.
Learning the lesson – the hard way
I’ve come to realise that I have been a serial “I’m fine” user for a long time! I’m pleased to say has improved over the past few months as a part of sorting my shit out mentally, but it’s a pretty hard habit to break.
Now I’m going to share something pretty personal on here with you guys. I don’t like to air my baggage on public platforms for many reasons, but for the purpose of this article, I want to share my experience and the lessons I have learned.
So here it goes…back in October last year my husband and I separated. We hadn’t been happy for a while and we both came to the decision to part ways and focus on our own happiness…because when it comes down to it life is too short to be unhappy all the time.
It came as a surprise to many around us…because we had both become masters at using the “I’m fine” filter and so we never really shared our problems outside of the relationship. I now see how daft a decision that was.
For anyone who has ever been through a breakup, you’ll know what an intense experience that is. I learned very early on that being open and sharing my problems helped considerably with processing it all – I will be forever grateful to my amazing support network of friends and family who have always been there to listen and offer support whenever I needed.
Removing the internal “I’m fine” filter
So whilst not a pleasant experience, this was a really big push in enabling me to remove the “I’m fine” filter externally with those around me. It’s helped me realise that people will still be around even if I’m not ok.
But what about internally? What about those times that the negative feelings come up but I don’t want to face or share them?
I think by removing the internal filter, it enables you to provide better self-care for yourself. For me, it means that I now look at the what and why I’m NOT fine…and by just acknowledging this it helps me instantly move on to the mindset of – ok so how am I going to fix this?
Sometimes it’s a chat, sometimes its distraction, sometimes it’s sitting and going deep to figure that shit out. You gotta find the things that work for you, and that ultimately takes time – it’s a learning process. The fact of the matter is, the sooner you accept that you’re not fine the sooner you can find a way to fix it – whether that be on your ownor with a bit of help.
When thinking about writing this post I had a huge range of emotions. It’s a big step in the process for me and I was pretty scared to put it out there. I knew that brushing over these feelings wasn’t going to help so I removed the I’m fine filter and sat and figured that shit out!
So how are you today?
I’ve seen this picture floating around social media this week and I really like it. You don’t have to share it – but maybe use it to figure out how you are doing. Notice there is no fine on this list. If you’re on the bottom end of the scale, that’s ok…but make sure you do something about it.
Now more than ever we need to take care of our mental health, so don’t feel like you have to put on that filter. Do what you need to do and know that help is out there if you want it.
For me – today I’m doing pretty good!🧡