I know…I’m a day late with my “start of August” post…yesterday turned out to be a pretty busy day! There was a time where I would have been really stressed by the fact that I didn’t meet my deadline…but now, it’s cool.
As I write that something really stood out for me – I didn’t meet MY deadline! In the past, it would have really stressed me out the fact that I didn’t get my blog post on time. But when going through that thought process yesterday I realised something – the only person who is putting that pressure on me is myself. Sometimes priorities have to shift, and that’s ok. I know that by waiting a little and giving myself space and time to do it properly, I will be more present and as a result happier with what I put out there.
Recently I have definitely noticed a theme of scenarios and situations which are challenging me to better manage expectations, not only of others but most importantly of myself. I am by far my own worst critic and have been known to take things to heart (a lot of the time). Whilst it’s good to hold yourself to high expectations – when you start tearing yourself apart because you don’t meet them and question your self worth, that then becomes a problem. At the end of the day, we are only human, and as human beings, we are bound to make mistakes/ fall short every now and again. We can only act on the knowledge and experience that we have had up until that point, and if we don’t fail every now and again we have nothing to learn from.
It’s been really interesting starting to develop this awareness, I’m learning so much about myself. It’s something I know is going to take a while to really set into my mindset. Having been a long time perfectionist and people pleaser I have to not only discover what triggers these behaviours but how I can better manage them so that they have a positive impact on my life and not a negative one.
So instead of stressing because I have to write my “start of the month” AND my “monthly weigh-in” posts today – I’m going to make my life simple and just combine the two!
Starting with something simple
I’m going to start with the monthly weigh-in. If you’ve been following this for a while, you’ll know my goals are pretty simple:
- Healthier me
- Happier me
- Loving the skin you’re in
It’s been a really interesting journey and it’s brought up a lot of things both physically and mentally that I’ve been working through.
My biggest challenge over the past few months is to get to a point where I can get onto the scales and not have an emotional reaction. Last month proved to be a tricky one – it turns out it’s easier to pick yourself up when you’re feeling low, it’s harder to bring yourself back down when you’re feeling high.
But what was interesting about this month – it was the first time that I approached the weigh-in without any emotion at all. It was just something I needed to do, like brushing my teeth or having a shower, there was no anticipation or anxiety at all. I’ve achieved so much this month, both physically with my running accomplishments and mentally by really embracing body positivity…I truly felt confident that no matter what those numbers said…it wouldn’t change the fact that I felt amazing!
And you know what – nothing changed – LITERALLY! I got on the scales and I was exactly the same weight as last month. It was funny, in the past, I would have spent the next however many hours either bigging myself up because I hadn’t gained weight or reassuring myself because I hadn’t lost weight….but today I didn’t do either. No word of a lie I got on it a couple of times (still don’t know why – as if the scales are going to be playing tricks on me) but after the second time of the same number my brain was like “ok, cool” and then I went on with the rest of the morning. The only reason I’ve thought about it since is that I’m writing this blog post about it.
I can’t tell you how happy this experience has made me, for the first time in what has felt like forever I have managed to overcome the “guilt game” of the monthly weigh-in. I feel FREE!
Of course, I’m not going to take this for granted. I know that with all of these things, it’s an ongoing process. There will be times where I don’t feel so confident and I have little dips, but I can always remind myself that I have reached this moment, and so I will do again. I’ll keep doing the weigh-ins, working on body positivity, pushing myself physically and reflecting on how this all impacts me mentally.
What about August?
I have a feeling that August will be a month of change…I don’t know exactly what all those changes are yet…but I can definitely feel a shift coming. It’s like there’s a storm brewing…but not the scary rainy kind, more like the exciting marvellous kind…like a good old lightning storm!
That sounds super dramatic – and I laugh at myself as I’m writing this – but I don’t know how else to describe it, I have this positive energy at the moment that just feels amazing. Call it intuition, call it crazy – but I’ve got a good feeling about this month! So many things to be grateful for now and many exciting things on the horizon.
I’m going to be keeping things kinda simple again this month. Of course, there will be the usual things ticking over:
- Sorting my shit out physically – Now that the gyms & leisure centres are open I want to re-introduce other activities to my week in addition to running & yoga, like weight training and swimming.
- Sorting my shit out mentally – This month there is a focus on “self-care”. I’m going to be exploring exactly what this is and how/why it’s so important.
- Sorting my shit out financially – I’m pleased to report I haven’t used my credit card at all in the last month! I’m gonna try and keep it that way and make sure I stick to my budget.
- Body Positivity – Keep trying new things, experimenting with my style and having fun without worrying about how my body looks!
And that’s about it!
I know – is that it? Well yeah, I think it is. Looking at my 30 before 30 list there are a few things that I still can’t do right now due to COVID-19 restrictions, and that’s ok. I’ve come to terms with the fact that many of these things will have to probably wait until after my 30th.
If this lockdown has taught me anything though it is to find joy in the little things, as I spoke about in yesterday’s post there are so many things I have to be grateful for. So that’s what I’m going to do – plan for the big things, but make sure I enjoy the little things too.
Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the roses (or sunflowers).