For those of you who’ve been following my blog for a while will know at the start of each month I not only check on my 30 before 30 goals, but I also have a weigh-in and post an update on sorting my shit out physically!
The goal has never been about weight loss – but more about building healthier habits and gaining a better understanding of my body. I’m not modifying my diet, (because quite frankly I just love food too much) just working on being more active and incorporating that into my routine.
I am pleased to say that so far so good! It’s now a firm part of my routine and I really look forward to my workouts. It’s not always easy, but I’m honestly feeling so much better both mentally and physically and I’m really noticing a positive impact.
In my last post – Why am I doing this? – I was pleased to report that since January I have lost nearly a stone. As mentioned earlier weight loss isn’t my goal, but it was nice to see that my new active lifestyle was having a visible impact.
Careful what you wish for…
So I woke up this morning – ready for my weigh-in and for the first time I had butterflies in my stomach. It was a combination of excitement and nerves. Recently I have been feeling good physically – I’m feeling the best I have felt in a LOOONNNG time – but there was a part of me secretly hoping that I had another big loss.
Well, you know how they say be careful what you wish for – the scales had another story to tell. I got on the scales (3 times just to be sure) and it turns out I have put on 1lb.
Now when you look at it – 1lb is nothing – its the same as a bag of coffee beans or a tin of soup (yes I did totally google that). But my mind instantly went to a place of disappointment – and that shocked me!
Where did that come from?
The more I read about and learn about body confidence, getting active and understanding diet culture – the more I’m realising that a fair amount of what is put out there isn’t always fact – it’s Marketing (in some cases brainwashing). A lot of what we see is promoting or selling something we want or need.
I’ve recently started working in the crazy world of Marketing (and loving it) so this has given me a bit of insight into the variety of ways you can sell a product. I’m not claiming to be an expert in any way, but from my perspective, it seems to really boil down to two approaches:
- Empowerment & positivity – providing something that will enhance or benefit a person or their life.
- Longing and negativity – highlighting what a person “doesn’t have” or “isn’t” and providing a solution to that problem.
There is nothing inherently wrong with either of these approaches – it all comes down to the business, the product they want to sell and how successful they feel a particular approach will be.
Unfortunately (particularly women) we are often exposed to the latter, especially with anything concerning body image. We are conditioned to aspire to something that is very often fake/air-brushed – and this can mean that we can struggle with accepting our bodies just as they are. We’re often feeling like we have to just lose a little here, slim down a bit there – and for a long time, I had those exact same thoughts.
Coming to my senses
So this negative reaction I had surprised me as I’d thought I was doing ok in this department. I was educating myself in all of these areas and making sure that my fitness goals were clearly focused on how I felt rather than how I looked/how much weight I lost.
But what happened this morning really highlighted for me that some of these “messages” are rooted deep. For me, I realised that mine was
“exercise = weight loss and that is a good thing. If I don’t achieve this then I am failing“
How ridiculous is that right?!
Part of me wanted to “justify” the weight gain – it’s been a stressful time, my routine has been out of sync, I’ve eaten more, muscle weighs more than fat… the list is bloody endless. But do you know what? It really doesn’t matter why, just as it doesn’t matter what number the scales say.
Thankfully I was pretty aware at the time of these negative thoughts and very quickly gave myself a bit of a talking to!
- Do I feel good? YES
- Do I feel healthy? YES
- Do I like how my body looks? YES
- Does this number change who I am? NO
- Does this number change my life in any way? NO
- So, what am I failing at? NOTHING
I’ve realised that in a way I’ve become a victim of my own success. I was so pleased with the fact that I had lost a significant amount of weight in just a couple of months – I wasn’t even aware that I had boarded the weight loss train!
Now that I am aware of this, I’m definitely going to be more mindful of my thoughts and mindset going into my next weigh-in.
Well, why don’t you just ditch the scales?
I probably will at some point but this post today has really reinforced for me the other reason why I started doing this in the first place.
I want to help in moving away from the “shame” associated with being a certain weight/body shape. I’m hoping that by sharing these images and my weight it might help someone realise that whatever size/weight/shape their body is…that it’s ok.
I’ve done the drastic weight loss journey in the past, the restrictive diet and the endless days at the gym trying to get shift the weight and get the “perfect body”. It’s totally unachievable as there are so many bodies out there – what even is the perfect body? It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t maintainable and I can honestly say I didn’t feel as good in my own skin then as I do right now.
Now I’ve mentioned this before in previous posts but always feel like it’s worth saying. Some people may really enjoy going on a diet, working out every day and having a clear weight loss target – that’s ok too! You gotta do you, and as long as it is keeping you happy and healthy then that is the most important thing. All I’m trying to do here is offer a different perspective, an alternative way of looking at things and an insight into my own journey with this.
When I took the photo on the right (before the weigh-in) I felt great. I was feeling strong, healthy and happy… I’m not letting 1lb take that away from me!
