Who else has felt like this first week in January has been the longest week of their lives?
I know I don’t just speak for myself when I say the start of 2021 hasn’t quite been what I expected. After what has been overall a challenging 2020, I know I wasn’t the only one hoping for a bit of an easier time moving into 2021…the universe clearly has other ideas!
It’s gotta come out at some point
One of the skills I’ve “perfected” over the years is the ability to pretend that nothing is wrong. That’s a pretty good skill to have right? Well I’m sure if I was a news reporter or a politician it would come in very useful, but for an unemployed other-thinker prone to anxiety…not so much!
The thing I’ve realised about myself over the past year is that this is a “survival mode” for me – and it’s nothing other than avoidance tactics. Very often when I get into this mode what I’m actually doing is neglecting the problems, myself and my needs…and that only ever ends one way…MELTDOWN!
It’s usually something quite small or insignificant that sets me off…this week it was the combination of getting a puncture (which resulted in having to buy a new tyre) and the news of a national lock down (ok so the last one isn’t such a small thing really). That on top of a few other stresses I had been bottling over the past month meant I pretty much spent the start of the week crying (A LOT) and just generally feeling sorry for myself and in a slump I couldn’t pick myself out of.
Time out, and reset!
It’s the lowest I’ve been in a long time, and the thing that really annoyed me about it was that I just felt so helpless. I felt like I had no power and no control…and I was annoyed at the fact I wasn’t able to stop crying about it. I just wanted to give myself a kick up the backside and go back to being the badass AmyLou I’d become so used to.
What I realise now is that the meltdown needed to happen. There were lots of thoughts, feelings and emotions that I needed to get out of my system and process…ignoring them wasn’t going to make them go away. So I spent an evening just writing it all out (I do love a good journal sesh) which enabled me to let go of a lot of the anxieties I had been carrying around and find positive and productive ways to approach things going forward.
A few things came up that have stuck with me this week, and will no doubt be a theme going forward for a while:
- The only thing you can control is YOU – This is a bit of a recurring theme for me, and clearly something I need to work on more this year. But the reality of it is that I can only control 3 things – my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. It all starts with me, so I needn’t worry about what other people are doing, especially if it is going to cause me to stress out.
- Let it go – so with the first point in mind…if it’s not something I can directly control I need to let it go. Again, this is something I’m not very good at (yet) but it is literally pointless using brain space to stress and worry over things I can’t change.
- Have faith it will all be ok – Wouldn’t it be great if we all had a crystal ball to see into the future, just so that we could know that it would all be ok? Whilst it would certainly ease my anxieties I know that’s cheating and in many ways takes the fun out of exploring and discovering all of the unexpected fun things life has in store. Essentially it’s about having faith, and that’s a fairly new concept for me. There are so many quotes out there – “The Night Comes Before The Dawn“, “The Rainbow Comes After The Storm” (I think you get it) the theme is that it will all be ok in the end. The bad stuff doesn’t last forever and is always followed by good stuff.
So it’s time to sort your SHIT out!
Once I’d had cried all the emotions out, and wrote all the thoughts out it was time to take action! Whilst there are many things in life I can’t control right now and things maybe aren’t where I want them to be…I have the power to make the best out of the cards I’ve been dealt.
I know it’s not all going to change right away, but here are a few things that I’ve decided to focus on over the next few weeks to help keep myself in a more positive and productive headspace.
- Take it one day at a time. The future can be a bit daunting sometimes, especially if the path isn’t particularly clear, so at the moment I’m keeping it simple and approaching it one day at a time. I might not be able to figure it all out right now, but I can make sure that I make the most out of each day I have.
- Get your ass moving! If you’ve been following my blog for a while you’ll know my thoughts on being active…it’s a good thing! Over the Christmas break I got a bit lazy (haven’t we all) and I know that this has had a big impact on my mental well being. So I’m going to make sure that I do at least 30 minutes of moving every day, with lots of variety so that I keep myself motivated.
- Get off your bloody phone! I loose track of how many hours I spend scrolling on my phone. Normally when I finish on one platform I move to another, only to look at the exact same content. I’m going to start tracking my screen time and make a conscious effort to use social media in a more active way as opposed to passively and mindlessly scrolling.
- Do something – a lot of the time my overthinking anxiety head (hey Alice) comes up when I’m bored/procrastinating (like scrolling on my phone). Making sure that I’m actively engaged in doing something really helps keep my mind present and stops me going into the negativity spiral.
- Look on the bright side – I know, this one is sometimes easier said than done…but I’m a firm believer that positivity spreads positivity…and it’s infectious! So expect to see more affirmations, motivational posts and thoughtful quotes just like the one below.
